In my case it's my mother. Seven years ago, I finally moved thousands of miles away from her and haven't been back. I was 42 at the time. It took that long. She'd still subtly put me down if I were still in contact with her. Every conversation we ever had, she'd steer around to diet and weight loss, what I'm eating that I shouldn't be, and what supplements I'm not taking that I should be. Every choice I ever made for myself was questionable. I didn't do anything right. I was made to feel so personally incompetent that I've only been driving for a year.

The more dependent on her she kept me, the more she could tell herself what a heroic mother she is, taking care of a grown daughter who's handicapped. You see, her sister, my aunt, was mentally challenged and was never able to move out on her own. In addition, my uncle came back from Viet Nam severely damaged. My grandmother was seen as a strong, courageous lady for taking care of them. I think my mother was trying to re-create that situation. She wanted me to be disabled too, so people would tell her how strong and courageous she is, taking care of me.

I do have my disabilities, but I'm not as helpless and dependent as she wants me to be. If she had it her way, I'd still be living in her house, her telling me what time to go to bed, when to get up in the morning, what to eat, what to wear, what chores to do all day (and I do mean ALL day) and where I'm allowed to go. That's the way it was the last time I lived in her house, and I was in my mid 30's then. I didn't have a driver's license or a car, and there was no public transit. Therefore I didn't go where she wouldn't take me. I was with her around the clock, every day, never had a minute for myself. And that's exactly the way she would want it.