You haven't messed up. You took a wrong turn, but you are changing direction. You realize what you do is wrong--that's a great start! Talking to a T will be the next step. It's a lot of mental work, but with dedication and support (like your wonderful friends online and real life) things will change for a much healthier lifestyle! It will come! I'm working on this, too. I'm a part-time mom of two kids.