The people and psychotic issues have always been a part of my life but even as a child I knew I had to keep it a secret. My psychosis ebbs and flows--sometimes, I have a psychotic break and don't realize it until something major happens.

like...sudden awareness that chasing the people down the street with a loaded 9mm was a bad idea--especially since it was directly across from a middle school. I had enough insight to determine it was best if I put the gun away and go to the hospital where the people could not get get me.

like...deciding to go to the drs for meds and to stay in the little room because I had been driving non-stop for 3 nights (fleeing the people) and I could not remember how long it had been since I last slept--I knew it was 4 or more days before I took off in my car--so, at least 7 nights but could have been 8-10.

I've been good about my meds for a long time so nothing too dramatic happens very often. I occasionally get chased by a black monster and get a little freaked out but mainly just its paranoia and anxiety. I am fully aware of my illness and that my delusions, hallucinations are not shared by others....but, they still seem awful real to me.