I'm sorry, Twisted, for the distress you are feeling. It sounds like you are getting in rough shape.

Going through her phone is not going to solve anything. Even if you found nothing there that was out of the way, you would still have a lot to be troubled about. This is not a crime investigation where you need to collect evidence to build a case. This doesn't come down to you needing to catch her on something, or prove something.

If she is telling you that she doesn't have the feelings for you that are normal for a wife, then this is not sounding like a marriage that has a great future. You are saying that she is emotionally driven and doesn't think clearly. The real issue is that she doesn't seem committed to this marriage.

Be careful where you spend your social time with her for now. Don't have single men coming around to your place.

She opened up a can of worms by telling you that she lacks feelings for you. Saying that she loves you like a brother is just muddying up the waters. She started all this upset, and now she gets angry and won't talk. It's good that you are seeing the counselor tomorrow. I hope this counselor is wise and can help you both to come to the truth. The counselor can't make things be what they aren't. I hate to say this, but it sounds like your wife is playing mind games. I don't believe this is totally caused by her being "confused."

It's hard to understand how the two of you could have been together for 3 or 4 years, and now, out of the blue, this huge problem is coming up that never existed before. Something was wrong before that you didn't want to look at. Now you have to. Be honest with yourself. I don't think a counselor who has any brains is going to think that all this started with her suddenly one day saying, "I'm not attracted to you." But you have to start somewhere, so start there. Your wife is saying "I don't know." when she knows plenty. But you are kind of doing the same thing. Acting like everything was fine, until suddenly she told you some things, is your way of saying "I don't know."

She may think that you knew full good and well that you were starting a marriage with her on shaky grounds. So she may feel that you are putting to much responsibility on her for this failing of your marriage so early in the game. Don't make this all about blaming her. It sounds like she has done something wrong by going into this marriage half-heartedly. But she maybe kind of blaming you for letting her do it. You may have hoped that, if you could just get her to marry you, that would fix problems that were there before. Instead, marriage has made those problems worse.

Try not to keep asking her questions that she won't respond to. Lay your cards on the table with the counselor, but get real honest. Don't sit there all clueless, saying I am so hurt that my new wife is saying she really doesn't have marital feelings for me. Try starting this way: "We are here because neither of us is happy. We may have made a big mistake in getting married, and now we don't know what to do."

I don't think your wife cooked up this big plot to get you to marry her, so that she could save money on hiring a mover. You say she has a job. Could she support herself, if she were alone? You say she has family around her. It does sound like she was clinging to you for some reason; people usually do that when they don't have confidence in making it alone. Did she marry you (or move in with you) to get out of living with parents that she wanted to get away from? She had some reason for wanting to live with you that made sense to her. She is flat out saying that she is not in love with you. So there had to be some other reason that she has clung to being with you. The therapist should help you two get that out in the open.

Don't go to counseling with the idea that it is to fix the relationship. Go with the hope that the counselor can help you both to feel safe in talking about things you've been afraid to get out in the open. Finding out at age 24 that a marriage is a mistake is not the end of the world. If ending the marriage leaves you living alone in a town where you don't have family and a network of friends, that is not the end of the world either. I totally get that this feels awful for you.

This problem between you didn't start recently. It started even before the marriage. But you both were unwilling to face it, so now you have even more pain facing it. If you want your wife to be honest with you, then don't make it all about her deceiving you. If you believed you were loved by someone who was not really in love with you, then I suspect you had a hand in deceiving yourself. Be willing to consider that and take some responsibility for that.

I hope going to the counselor allows for a break in the stalemate. Avoid bringing a child into this mess. If your wife seems to be deliberately causing you pain by flirting with other men in front of you, then consider getting a separate place of your own, even if it's just a room you rent.