Hello again,

I was here a bit ago trying to figure out what's going on with me - was diagnosed previously with anxiety/OCD and bipolar II (on the lower end of the spectrum). But no one in my family nor my friends 'believed' the bipolar diagnosis, and therefore I couldn't take it (or its treatment) seriously...

Went to a different psych the other day - told him about my concerns, and my history of faking/fearing illness (lots of psychosomatic stuff in my past) which has led me to distrust myself in terms of judging what's what. He suggested I might have bipolar II rapid cycling AND traits of borderline personality disorder. I now feel even more ridiculous/fraudulent than before, since everyone around me seems to think nothing is seriously wrong (I'm just really 'emotional' or 'moody'). The problem is I keep a lot of my thoughts and feelings inside (when I can) + I believed I've learned to 'manage' myself to a certain degree over time, so it's not as if I'm going around ruining my life, but I'm sick of feeling so unstable all the time.

Anyway, my question is this: I do not want to use medication long-term. However, I am a Phd student and have basically stalled-out (I'm in the writing phase) - no matter what I do I can't seem to move forward because of the elevation (tons of ideas but inability to focus/maintain perspective)/crashing (nothing makes sense/numb/suicidal). I am therefore considering trying some medication in order to help get myself through school before I totally self-destruct.

This new doc recommended lamitcal but the 'black box' warning really really freaks me out (I have a lot of anxiety surrounding my health). Does anyone have any experience with this drug? Or what drugs have you had success with?
(full-blown mania is not my problem - its the constant fluctuation + sandess)

Thanks for reading!