First of all, stop talking to non-professionals about your symptoms. It sounds like they are giving you a lot of advice that is not productive. You have seen 2 docs who both have identified Bipolar ll. Listen to them. You have mood swings that are interfering with your ability to write your dissertation. A mood stabilizer probably will help with that. I took Lamictal and had an allergic reaction. As soon as I saw the rash on my leg, I let the doctor know. When I stopped taking it, the rash went away immediately. So don't be afraid to try it. For those who have no allergy to it, Lamictal is actually very effective. Talk openly to your Pdoc about medications and your fear of side affects. Usually they are mild (dry mouth for some). You should be making medication decisions together. If you are very uncomfortable with a med, chances are you are not going to take it often enough for it to work. It's a good idea to believe that a medication will work, it will have a better chance of doing so. Be sure to discuss whether the doctor thinks you will need meds long term or short term. Usually, there are long periods of time between episodes. You may be able to be med-free during remissions. I had a 10 year span between major episodes. Read up on Bipolar ll, and perhaps get a workbook. If your insurance covers it, it is also a good idea to see a therapist for all your fears and anxiety. If you do get suicidal, call a hotline number:
1-800-273-8255 is a good one. They will talk to you even if you are not all that suicidal, and just need to chat. You can also call a Warmline: 1-877-910-9276. It is not a suicide prevention line, just a chat line run by NAMI from 10am - 3am, Pacific Time.

Hang in there. Take a break from writing - ask for an extension. Be kind to yourself. Learn to do deep breathing exercises, and be sure to do some things that you find enjoyable. Listen to the song, "Best Day of My Life," by American Authors. It is so upbeat, you can't help but smile every time you hear it!