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sunrise said:
pinksoil, (((((hugs)))))

You brought up a difficult topic with your T, one that made you very vulnerable, all in less than 50 minutes. Pat yourself on the back! (Not sure I could ever broach that subject.)

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So we talked about it.

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What did he say? It sounds like he didn't suggest you come for 2 sessions, as you had hoped, but what did he say? Did he say he thought you didn't need 2 sessions a week? If so, did he say why you don't need 2? Or did he say he had no room in his schedule for you to meet twice right now?

pinksoil, I'm not suggesting the next idea pertains to you, but I wonder if sometimes therapists might be reluctant to suggest a person come in twice a week unless they really think the person needs it because it might be seen as taking financial advantage of the person, you know, a conflict of interest? For example, I would really like to see my T twice a week because I am really anxious to make even more rapid progress and get from point A to point B. But I pay him out of pocket, full price, each session. I hand him cash. I can see how he might be reluctant to ask me to double this high cash outlay to him. Maybe he would respond differently if I said to him directly: "hey, I want to make faster progress and would like to come twice a week. I am OK with the double payments for a while. Do you think that would work for us?" (Why can't I just say that? ) Another idea: does insurance limit allowable reimbursement for psychotherapy to one session per week?

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I just feel like being cold to him.

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Ahhh, pinksoil, I hope you can talk about it with him and not be that way. ((((hugs)))) I have never felt the urge to be cold or mad at my T, but my T is so warm, I honestly think that if I entered the room with the intent to be cold, he would just melt me with his warmth in one second. Maybe that will happen to you too? Have you ever been "cold" to him in therapy before?

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Thanks for writing Sunrise.

As far as the fee, my T works on a sliding scale... so I don't think money has anything to do with it. Because I know that he would work with me.... I don't go through insurance at all.

The most I've ever done is come in and do the arms-folded-I'm-not-giving-up-any-information demonstration. That wasn't really with the intent to be cold. And even that backfired on me. I melt in there. Even last session (this is kinda funny), as we were talking I said, "That's it. This is too hard, I can't take the attachment and the transference. I'm quitting. This will be my last session." And T says, "You're quitting?" "Yes." Then we went on to talking about something else, and a few minutes later, T says (all calm and casual), "Can I ask you a question? I figure you won't have a problem answreing since it's your last session...." And I just started laughing. I couldn't help it.

Do I really need therapy twice per week or do I just need my T so bad that I feel this way? Would I see him 7 days per week if I could? Yes. I told him that I never, ever imagined therapy would be like this. This didn't happen with my last therapist. My last T was a female. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I never imagined it would consume me so much emotionally. It ends up hurting a lot. The transference, attachment, and fear of rejection are sometimes almost too much to take. BLAH. Right now I don't like this. I hate getting attached. Too much crap to deal with.