Thank you all very much. I know it seems minor but I struggle tremendously in all of my relationships and communication, even on the most basic level, is extremely hard for me and induces a great deal of anxiety.

I don't have social anxiety and am pretty well liked but I have suffered trauma in relationships in the past and so I cut ppl off when hurt, I push romantic partners away, I don't know how to stick out friendships and I never allow myself to be totally vulnerable in relationships for fear of looking bad or being hurt. As a result, while I am laying in bed depressed and anxious today I will not contact a friend despite having suicidal thoughts, weeping off and on, not eating and feeling extremely hopeless. I've isolated myself.

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