Getting to my Fourth doubt
Attending Karla McLaren's talk on Empathy and follow-on workshop on Emotional Theater has been a tonic. Finding fresh connections being made in my thinking and where I find remedies.

What is belief: I doubt I can speak of this in public.

Why is this Belief inaccurate?
1) Public is too broad a term. I'm never going to shout my failures and mistakes from balconies! Who does. Public means friends, family, casual associates.
2) It's really none of their business. Literally. So there.

Does any evidence exist for the truth of my Belief?
I've been very quiet. This is about shame. I've done nothing wrong socially or legally. But I've tried to breach two deep limiting social questions: What made you think you're good enough? (mocking tone, almost rhetorical) Are you prepared enough to do this even if you had the talent?

Breach experiments are what sociologist call conscious efforts to try on new behaviors and witness the personal and social ripples. I didn't know that's what I'm was doing, but felt a need for tremendous confidence, will to get going, etc. before plunging in. All too vigorous or staccato, and thus the ripples were 'overwhelming.'

What is the worst that could happen if I don't get what I think I must have (or do get what I think I mustn't have)?
The best that can happen is I never speak of this in public! or private! or to self again!? The worse is someone takes it up who knows and starts to talk about it before I'm ready. So (1) the timing may not be in my hands. Reporting in official documents is a part of it, though bureaucrats don't know me, it's still rankles.

(2) I slip and "share too much" in some unplanned way to get sympathy from someone to make the hurt go away.

What good things could I make happen if I don't get what I think I must have (or do get what I think I mustn't have)?
When I'm ready I can choose to make this part of a workshop or article. When I'm ready.

Exit to Action: One action is interior. Look at the role of shame and fear going forward. Another is focus on public 'faces' and performance I have no fears about shouting from balconies.

So be it ... and so it is.