Although my self esteem is a lot better than it used to be when I was younger, I still struggle with feelings of inferiority and insecurity. I lack confidence most of the time. Sometimes it shows too, ugh! I have a hard time making friends because of it. I often think that I look fat and ugly even when my friends and family think I'm pretty. My husband thinks that I'm still pretty too although I'm heavy now.

It sure doesn't help that my parents have been hyper critical of me growing up, especially when it came to my looks. My mom was the worst when it came to that. She'd make me feel like a freak for not having a b.f and she'd make comments about how developed other girls my age were when I was as flat as a board. She'd also tell me that I had a big stomach when no one else, even my enemies thought I was the least bit overweight, ugh!

My younger sister would call me all sorts of names too. She was the pretty and popular sister with lots of friends and I was always the "weird" "nerdy", quiet loner type with no real friends until now. Also, it didn't help matters any that I was verbally and bullied quite a bit by a bunch of nasty girls and a few guys from the age of 11-15 mostly. Some of them even used to be my friends! Things weren't as bad in h.s aside from the occasional nasty comment from stuck up you know what's from Jr. High.

Some of them threatened to beat me up, but they were always threats thank goodness! I only got into one real fight back then with some jerk who tried to hurt me in class. So I punched him hard in the face twice since I was so mad, but that wasn't like me. He punched me back then the fight was over. That's the most physical that I ever got back then as I was never really a fighter.

I sometimes can't help but feel that other people are smarter than me, more socially adept, confident, sometimes more attractive, cooler, etc....I have looked up stuff on here on how to be more confident and I have read books on how to be more confident and how to boost one's self esteem more, but nothing seems to work that well most of the time. The whole trying to fake it until you make it definitely doesn't work for me.

I try to tell myself that I'm a good person and that I'm nice, a good friend, and cool in my own way, but sometimes that's not good enough and it doesn't always help. Sometimes I think that people can sense that I'm insecure and that I have some issues with self esteem, so I tend to be taken for granted or treated badly at times, or just flat out ignored most of the time by most people, so I'd like to know how to change that. I try to smile, be friendly, and look people in the eye, but it's hard to do at times. Especially when you're shy and sensitive to rejection.

I'd appreciate any advice on how I can become more confident and improve my self esteem. I don't want to have to wait another ten or twenty years to see some improvement! Can anyone relate to this btw or been through similar situations? I think that years of verbal and emotional abuse has had a huge effect on how I feel about myself sometimes.