The Bi Polar Trap

I read this article because I feel like my diagnoses is making me look selfish. I always had a big heart but the past 10 years I never show it. I'm always seeing the negative things rather then positive. I read the quote in this article about the bi polar trap.

Bipolar Disorder and Relationships | bphope

This is what I am dealing with. I expect too much from my mother sometimes and I'm really starting to see that, at times, my actions seem to be like attention seeking. Maybe I'm starting to really think about my life and my future. I'm overwhelmed with all this. My family doesn't understand what I'm going through. I drf need to go to therapy with them. In no way, am I looking for attention. I'm just miserable. Why am I not doing more for my father? What am I doing wrong to my mother? Why do I care now? Is it really me? How do I get over looking at other peoples lives instead of mine? How do you let go of your past? Why am I so hard on myself? Why don't I feel good even when I accomplish something? Why cant my mother ask me how I'm doing?

These are all questions I ask myself. Im sure they reply to someone not bi polar. Im starting to realize im 36 with no career, a sick father, a mother who doesnt trust me or want to be around me. A sister who really doesnt care about me. Im really starting to look at myself really hard and it hurts when I should have done it at 25. Its like I just want to have a relationship with my family instead of isolating and being miserable. Its all my guilt I can't get past. If I don't do it now I'm never gonna do anything in life. Hey maybe I might help someone by writing all this. It will make me understand the good things in life instead of the material things.

This site is helping so much

I'm very thankful for this site and the feedback. I can see the obsessive compulsion because I want the thread to look perfect. I want people to post because its attention I lack in real life. My mood swings cycling. I'm really happy its helping me in a way but it hurts because I should of done it sooner. I guess I'm desperate and I'm afraid.