Some of the things you describeabout yourself you can change if you really want to, sadly there are other things you are just stuck with for the rest of your life. That's the same for everyone whoever they are. I'm sure you are not a horrible person, you just feel horrible, most people feel like that from time to time. You have a lot of problems to deal with and it sounds as though you have low self esteem, and this makes it hard for you to relate to other people.

What is it about making friends that is difficult? Are you too anxious to talk to new people, do you automatically assume they won't like you, do you struggle to approach people that you've already spoken to in the past? I know, too may questions!! I struggle with friendships too, I find it really hard to explain why, because on the surface I'm friendly and outgoing and have some good social skills. I just don't seem to understand how friendships work, it is as though there is something missing in my brain.

There are lots of really nice people on PC, we all have our problems - big and small - and we all try to help each other as best as we can. You do have friends here and there is usually someone around who wants to talk about dogs. Dogs are my passion too and my best friend is my dog.

Don't worry about not being able to take charge, not everyone is a leader, in fact the world needs far more followers than leaders otherwise nothing would ever get done. All the leaders would be bossing each other about and falling out and starting wars and doing silly things like that. It is much better to be self-sufficient and I think that you need to build up your self-confidence.