I can't practice as a social worker anymore because I couldn't afford all the demands required of me from the impaired professionals program.

So I lost my job. I lost my ability to ever work as a social worker again.

My mother-in-law was less than supportive and told my wife that she should have left me.

I live in a very remote area with very few job opportunies. I'm applying for anything.

I've begun to experience strange physical problems that resemble stroke symptoms. We aren't sure if it's the medication or not, but it was enough to concern me to where I went to the ER. My cholesterol and triglycerides have been astronomically high since high school so that's a real concern.

My wife didn't take it seriously and her mom was aggravated as well because a few trips before were nothing. Although one trip before I was hospitalized and almost died due to my blood pressure not being controlled. Nobody came for that. Nobody came when I was in ICU dying after a suicide attempt either.

I get the feeling that my kids are the only people that would be affected if I died, and I feel largely expendable. I don't know how I got here to this place. I'm trying to stay positive but it's damn near impossible. I'm having fleeting suicidal thoughts but that's normal for me at times like this. If they get more serious I will ask for help.

I don't know what I am posting for other than venting a little. I don't have a support system anymore, so I just needed to share my thoughts.