Wow I feel your pain. I grew up with a great mother. I was always close to her but the past 15 years have been tough. I did the damage so I'm grateful that I didn't have to grow up in abuse like you. I have so much guilt and as you get older and start too realize this it grys harder. I'm 36 now and can't believe I didn't care because of drugs. I never treated my parents nice so I can't let that guilt go. I never thought about it, the drugs really clouded my brain. So my mother is almost 70 and our relationship is horrid. Its like we can't even talk to each other. I wish I can have a relationship with her. I can't let the guilt go of what I did. Why didn't I just put all the energy I put into drugs into my family. Why did I for this.