I have been struggling with extreme depression & anxiety for years. I've been hospitalized 6 times since January 1st. Adding up all the admissions, i've probably spent about a month and a half in hospital altogether. I'm under 18, and the hospital in my city does not have a psych unit for kids or adolescents, so I was put in the general pediatric unit(Which is for medical problems.) So I got no help from being there, besides feeling safe. Lately, it seems as though my problems are getting worse. I have been having "episodes" of hearing voices, seeing things, and just feeling out of it. During these episodes I usually scream, swear, utter threats(that im serious about), pull weapons on my family, and just have a general hatred for the entire human race. I don't know whats going on. A few hours after I have an "episode" I recognize that the things I saw, heard, felt, etc were *probably* not real. But it feels real during the episode. Since my last hospitalization in early March, i've been to the ER 6 times for suicidal & homicidal thoughts, hoping to be admitted again. Most of the doctors and nurses know me now, and they have all ganged up on me and have written notes saying when I present in the ER, they assess me, then send me home. It literally says in capital letters "DO NOT ADMIT." One of the nurses said I need to stop my "attention seeking behaviours" and deal with the feelings myself instead of going to the hospital.

What am I supposed to do for help? If they don't want me admitted(Because I don't have any medical problems), why won't they transfer me out of town to a youth psychiatric facility? One time in the ER I was losing it and said "WELL MAYBE MY PARENTS WILL JUST REFUSE TO TAKE ME HOME BECAUSE THEY KNOW I NEED HELP." But the nurse said if my parents ever refuse to take me home from the ER, I won't be getting admitted or going to a psychiatric unit. I would be going to a foster home.

I speak to 2 counsellors, i've seen a psychiatrist and i'm on an anti-depressant(Which seems to be making my problems worse.)

Why doesn't anybody want to help me? What should I do?