I get that. Going from one way - being nice and loving so much one moment and then later, just not caring about anyone at all and being numb, or even lashing out at those you love the most and hurting them, then feeling awful and like you want to die after.



I could have written that except I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD and haven't really had anything traumatic happen to me that is cause for any of the way that I am. On the one hand, it would be great if there were a reason for the way I am, but on the other, I'd probably just use it as an excuse. I already use depression as an excuse, and feel guilty as #*!$ for feeling "depressed" because I have no good reason to be.

I wish there were something i could do to help you, all I got is letting you know I feel this way too, so you're not alone. I get feeling like a martyr, or a victim, or a horrible person. It's all really painful and I don't know if people who haven't experienced something like it will ever know or understand. I don't know why I would choose to be this way and choose to be in so much pain.