I'm not depressed. Most of the time I enjoy having free, unstructured days where I can just do random things. But right now it's like I have no motivation. I don't really feel like doing anything. I try to lie down for a bit, but don't really want to do that either.
I have an exam today, which I've just accepted I will do good or bad and no longer have control over that. I also have an essay due for the same class, so I'm working on that because I'm better at essays so I have more control over that mark.
I'm having such a hard time doing anything though. I feel so apathetic. I don't feel depressed. I'm not sad, or hopeless, or suicidal, or anxious, or most of the usual things I feel when I'm depressed. I just have a lack of motivation. It's not even a lack of enjoyment, if I do something I'll eventually enjoy it. I just feel so stuck.
I've tried various ways of scheduling my day, all the way from really strict to much looser. I haven't been able to make that work yet.
Any suggestions?
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Bipolar I with psychotic features/GAD/Transgender (male pronouns please)
Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone
My Bipolar Poetry Anthology
Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
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