I have spend a good deal of time examining my behavior patters and habits and I have come across a tendency that I find quite disturbing. I feel like I have always been well loved, my parents and grandparents made mistakes but their love for me was never lacking. I somehow picked up the habit of hurting myself (not physically) to manipulate those that care about me. I suppose as a child if I was sad or upset my granddad in particular would try to draw me out or placate me, this reinforced a pouting behavior that I still exhibit to this day. I am 32. I know that my boyfriend loves me and wants me to be happy so if I am upset with him I mope around. I will stop eating and lose weight because I know this worries him. I am rather plump and everyone that knows me knows that if I am happy and stable I have healthy appetite and if I show no desire for food above keeping myself alive I am depressed. He and have been having a disagreement about his taking another job that would cause us to spend less time together. He knows that I don't want him to take but I know that unless he gets more money in his current job he will have to go somewhere else with better pay. This issue is all about money, obviously not personal. Even though intellectually I know that its not mean as a slight to me I have still been plotting being mopey and upset and living on nothing but protein shakes and bars so that to him it will look as though I am wasting away. I don't think I want to be this sort of person but when I feel like control is take from this is my typical reaction. Does anyone have any thoughts on this or struggle with similar behavior ?