I want to fix it but I find it daunting, its like a program that runs automatically and I am well into sometimes before I even realize what is going on. It's a stimulus response sort of thing, when I am presented with certain stimulus that is my automatic response I don't feel that I am even making a conscious decision to do these things, I just find myself doing them.

I am very interested in your statement that as a child I should have been allowed to experience my unpleasant feelings and not be talked or bribed out of them. I am guessing that may be why I struggle so much with unpleasant feelings now and want someone to fix them and save me from them.