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Originally Posted by Rose76
You are worried about ruining this 2nd chance. He didn't give you a 2nd chance; you gave him a 2nd chance. He has given you very good reason to suspect that he is not truly in love with you. It has nothing to do with the girl who came on to him. It has to do with his lack of feeling for you.
This guy is not looking to settle down. He's over 30 years old and he's been seeing you for 5 years . . . . and he had to leave you to have space and think. I don't think you can possibly feel trustful of his love, regardless of even if he is not texting or calling anyone else. It's him who would have to be very persuasive to convince you.
I don't believe everything was fine between you two before he took that break to clear his head. In your heart, you know that too. You are very much in love, and he is not. That's what your gut is telling you, and it's an awful thing to feel. I'm sorry you're going through this hurt. I believe you are very hurt that this relationship is not where you hoped it would be. You probably have been making the best of a bad situation for a long time. Finally, he tested you in a cruel way. This is not the behavior of a man in love.
You may have to face that this is not a relationship that you really want. Again, it has nothing to do with other women. It has to do with him not needing you anywhere as much as you need him. That's an awful tough situation to be in.  |
I agree with pretty much everything here. Although it may not have anything to do with other women, there is something lacking in his commitment and one of the first things I thought of was also that this cannot be something new or a sudden change. That this relationship was a bandaided, patched up situation before this happened and this just forced it to the forefront of things. but... what bothers me even more..
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during the breakup he explained this girl was trying to hit on him and get with him, but he told her no he still had feelings for me and told her to stop talking to him ( he said he basically called her a slut and he doesn't mess with sluts) the fact that he told me this bothered me but i should be happy that he said no. but im not.
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Ok so, he broke up with you. He chose to walk away even if it were temporary at this point, he was free to do whatever. Why, with his ex would he feel the need to amplify his faithfulness to you after he'd already broken up with you? Soemthing about this seems questionable. I mean, part of me is thinking it looks manipulative somehow. I don't know exactly what it is but it makes no sense.
The idea that he basically called her a slut because she simply hit on him? I can understand your questioning what went on by how adamantly he reflected this to you. Almost as though he was overemphasizing to minimize something else... I wouldn't write off that nothing happened either. I can completely understand your perspective.
Coupled with his reaction to your asking details and how upset he gets about it... doesn't seem to point to innocence to me.
I could be wrong, but it just doesn't sit well with me.