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Apr 14, 2014, 01:32 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: Somewhere in the U.S.
Posts: 807
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Originally Posted by Innerzone
Worse, yes. More entrenched and the lows got even lower (like serious depression for nearly a year sort of thing). Panic attacks appeared too. I don't remember (non-situational) panic like that when younger. Wanting to crawl out of skin agitation, don't really remember that happening as much when younger.
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My depression became worse, the worst I have had it since ny one terrible episode 30 years ago.
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Finally getting on meds a few years ago has helped. Not perfect, but better for sure. But I'd have to say the worst thing was the appearance of mixed. I'd never been scared of my symptoms before (and no, not even sui). Embarrassed, amused, mortified, annoyed, regretful etc. yes, but not personally scared of. (By mixed, we're not talking about emotions getting bounced around to extremes or even shifts exasperatingly frequent (I've read people talk about it this way, experienced those things, and yeah, those suck, but...) We are talking about mixed as in extremes happening simultaneously on and on and on. It was a hell I could not have possibly imagined in my wildest nightmares.
For nearly 30 years that had never happened. Not on anything approaching that intensity/scale/duration.
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I have experienced my first mixed episode this year. It was a real nightmare. I also have had rapid shifts in mood.
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I can't think of a single thing that has mellowed out or disappeared (edited to add, oh yes, rage. I still have it, but not wildly inappropriate as often). At least now I know what I'm dealing with. I didn't then. (So had mountains of guilt and self-reproach that I just didn't have enough self-control to pull it together).
(I lose time a lot too, grandmaof3.  Time, words, orientation, what season it is, you name it. I don't know why either. Most bewildering is how much it varies. Some days I'm just a bit of a space cadet, other days…. yikes.)
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All of this has been true for me! I know what you mean! Now that I am on a good mood stabilizer for BP II, my meds have helped allot.
Hang in there! 
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Bipolar II and GAD
Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone
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