How do you let go of your past? Try not to focus on what you could have/should have done congratulate yourself on doing stuff now. I don't have much to offer but you may enjoy

A lot of what you have said makes me think partial hospitalization may be a good option to "find yourself", get outside support, achieve your goals and make friends with others who understand. There is also nami groups and dbsa groups. You said you use to be an addict do you think your mom would be willing to go to alonon or a nami group for care gives?

You may want to post a paper on the refrige of symptoms and ways others can help. A lot of anger comes from others frustration from seeing love ones in pain but having no way to help or fix it. This is especially true for parents. You may want to complete a wrap form.

PS. I had a much longer post but the computer ate it.