Quote:
Originally Posted by aMoto
I've scoured the web to try and find answers, but my boyfriend doesn't necessarily fit all of the "signs" tied to an abusive boyfriend. When he says something that hurts my feelings, I try to communicate with him and he typically snaps on me. He seems to go from 0-60. Last night he got physical with me. He didn't hit me or beat me, but he did grabbed me and did a bear hug while I was yelling "you're hurting me." Is this considered physical abuse even though he doesn't hit me?
When I tell him about things that hurt my feelings he tells me to "pick and choose" my battles and tells me that he is sick of me starting arguments. I no longer feel like I can tell him when things are bothering me, I have become afraid of him. Our arguments have escalated to the point where he tells me to "shut the **** up", calls me a *****, punches walls, throws things, threatens to break things if I don't listen. He tells me that it's my fault because I push him to this point. I know in the past I would be more argumentative, but lately I really do try and be very aware of how I word things, but he still goes into a rage. I feel like I am trying to be calm, but I still cause him to go into these moments of rage.
He doesn't try to control me and my time. He allows me to have my freedoms and doesn't isolate me from my family. He is also a very loving boyfriend when he isn't mad at me.
I love him so much, I'm not sure what I should do. I think I just need answers on whether or not this is considered abuse. If it is, then I really do think I need to get out before it escalates any further.
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Is what he's doing abusive? YES. It is. Being physical with you in any way that hurts you is abusive. So is the 'silent treatment' ...if you're afraid of him, he's abusing you whether emotionally, physically or both.
If you feel like you're walking on eggshells because he seems to get angry with you so much, and he blames you for it, he's emotionally abusing you. I have no doubt he CAN be nice when he feels like it, or when he believes it is advantageous for him to the situation. Abusers aren't always abusing...if they were, women (and men) wouldn't fall for them. The fact is, you miss the man he presented to you when you first met...but trust me, that man was never there. He was created to 'win' you....and once he became unnecessary to keep you, he was dropped like a mask.
This is your boyfriend. The one you see now, the one that scares you. I would suggest counselling but....if it's gone this far ... I doubt it will help. If you just need to know if he's abusing you, with what you describe, so you can find the courage to leave him....the answer is...."I'm sorry, but YES."
