Just to update the anxiety has settled a bit, my sensei is going to meet up every day for training which gives a positiveway to put it. He's also a good friend so someone to talk to without fear of hospitals. I feel the relationship is over with the gf, I've pretty much agreed to submit in every way as long as she helps me with my illness, hell every problem we have stems from it and can be fixed if she would help me through it. She said it may be too much to handle and if that's the case im better without her. I can't be expected to look after her if she won't do the same for me. I left her behind but this is how I've felt for months, scared and alone. And on the bright side no more getting shouted at - "can't you stop being depressed and ****ing smile". I am just going to accept its done and try and move on and get on with my life. I give it 30 minutes before I cry and ***** about how I need her lol I'll enjoy this positive time while its on :-)