It sounds like your are reenacting a situation in which you get hurt by other people. I do similar things, getting others to hurt me somehow. I'm curious. Do you tend to identify with victims, or see yourself as a perpetual victim? I'm wondering if there is a connection that way. My husband ,once he has become aware of what I do, resents being forced in to the role of an abuser. Your family may not recognize the pattern yet, but you might want to consider how it will affect them over time.

I certainly do relate to it, as I often have a preference for being hurt by someone else rather than having to do it myself.