Thanks for explaining, pinksoil.

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Basically what happened after I said that was that I went into one of my idiotic, nervous, rambling tirades. I think I was making efforts to cover up any of those possible therapeutic silences that might creep up because I was certainly not prepared to deal with them at the moment. I just started going on about how I hated attachment and this was all too much to deal with. T never pushes me to say anything. I will talk about things when I'm ready; they just come out, and he knows that. He basically just wanted me to elaborate on what I had said. But I wasn't really ready to do that (at least not in English) because it was hard enough for me to even get to the point I was at. So I just rambled on and then said "Wanna hear my dream?" and went on about that because I couldn't deal with talking about the previous matter.

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It sounds like you were so scared of his rejection that you didn't give him a chance to respond to your statement that "once a week isn't enough." You actually don't know what he would have said because you rushed to fill the time and space with your "ramblings." ((((hugs)))) I can so relate to this. Sometimes I am just barreling through my therapy sessions like a freight train, anxious to say so much, that there is no space for T to respond. One time after I had said something kind of momentous, I paused, and there was space. T said, "would you like me to respond?" I thought carefully and then said, "if you have something to say, I would love to hear it. But I can't tell you to say anything or not. It is up to you to respond or not, if you want." T loved that. He said "thank you, you have given me space here in therapy to exist with you. You have created space for me and allowed me to be." And he kind of settled down, like he was really comfortable now, and responded. ((((T))))

Anyway, pinksoil, that struck me as maybe similar to your situation--your not really giving your T a chance to respond to your needing more than one session a week. Can you go to your next session and give him space to respond? The fact that you don't actually have time for 2 sessions a week is interesting too. It's like you just want T to fulfill your need for more than once a week by saying he could provide that, but you can't really deliver on your end. But still, you'd like to hear the reassurance of more than once is OK from him. ((((hugs))))

That is great that therapy is giving you insights that are allowing you to alter your behavior patterns (with your husband) out there in "real life." That's what it's all about! I hope you'll share that triumph with your T. They love to hear stuff like that.

Hope your cold gets better soon.