I have the same kind of fears, Olivia. It was very difficult for me to start taking medication. I resisted for years. I research the heck out of everything before I consider taking it.

I think part of it is because of the way I was brought up. My parents were all about health food and natural remedies. We didn't even take aspirin.

I was the only one of my friends who didn't try alcohol in junior high. I didn't have my first drink until I was of legal age (I never have more than 1 or 2 drinks) and I have never tried illicit drugs -- never been tempted. I like to be in CONTROL -- perhaps a big reason why I have anxiety problems. I'm scared of anything that may affect my brain and make me lose control.

I had a bad reaction to Wellbutrin last year. It made me very depressed and I while I was taking it, I became convinced that the medications I had taken in the past had permanently damaged my brain. My perception was seriously skewed while I was taking Wellbutrin. I know now that my brain is fine, but that was my fear of medication cropping up while I was in that Wellbutrin-induced depression.

I did find medication (and therapy) that worked for me, though, and I feel comfortable taking my medication. I'm glad I did my research and worked with my doctor to find something that works well for me. I hope you find a solution that works for you too.