I have been absent from this forum for a little bit. Frankly I have been hidding under a rock in the fetal position. I am approching the one year mark of my relapse into depression and the beginning of my PTSD. I have been having crazy flashbacks, and today is the first day I feel mildly functional.

I am not sure I shared this before but about a year ago I nearly died. I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, causing massive internal bleeding. I had to drag myself on my belly accross my house to call for help. I'll spare you the crazy deatails I really do not want to trigger anyone. Since then, I have had this recurring nightmare/ daydream. My little girl waking up with mommy gone and always looking for her ( I am crying just writing the words).

I feel paralyzed. I want a full life, I want to be there for my little girl. I wanted to be better by now. And the bastard depression just keeps dragging me down. I am not sinking but I can't get out either.