Part Three: Guidebook for Abusers: How to Keep Your Target Under Your Control

We cannot overemphasize the importance of double standards. Use connotation to your full advantage, by calling it something positive when you do it, something negative when others do it. This can apply directly to your target, and also to your target’s friends who are trying to fill her head with garbage against you. They are controlling. You are protective. They are rude. You tell it like it is. They are too picky. You have high standards. They interfere where it’s none of their business. You are trying to help.

Remember, what you do is always acceptable, because you have a reason for it, while your target’s behavior is always wrong even if it’s identical to what you just did. Tell your target, for example, that it’s a sin to be angry. Then when she refutes that statement, perhaps by pointing out that Jesus Christ got angry on occasion, begin swearing at her and calling her names. That’s not at all hypocritical of you. She is the one who frustrated you and made you angry, because she always has to be such a contrary know-it-all and can’t just accept what you say because you said it. Besides, this is you being angry, which makes it all right. Anger is only a sin when it is your target who is angry.

While we’re on the subject, if you do believe, be sure to zero in on any Scripture that you can use against your target, while ignoring verses that appear to contradict you. The commandment, “honor thy father and thy mother” is one you can always fall back on, if you are your target’s parent. If you are your target’s husband, “wives, submit to your husbands” will come in handy any time you want to make sure you get your own way. Never mind the passages telling parents not to provoke their children to wrath, and husbands to love their wives to the point of self-sacrifice. If your target reminds you of them, tell her she lacks proper understanding. Accuse her of taking those verses out of context, twisting the Bible around to make it say what she wants it to say, or of cramming it down your throat. It’s the same thing you were just doing to her, but remember, it’s OK when you do it.

No-win situations are another valuable tool. Even if your target does exactly what you told her to do, never let her believe she has taken the correct action. This works especially well with older siblings. Did little brother get hurt on the playground? Perfect! Rip your target apart and call her irresponsible, because she should have been watching him. Next time she sees him starting to climb the wrong way up the slide, you can bet she’ll try to stop him, and he’ll complain to you that she’s being bossy. That’s your cue to remind your target she is not his mother. It’s your place to correct him, not hers. She should have come and told you about it, instead of trying to deal with it herself. Then the next time he does it, and she tells you, that’s when you chastise her for being a tattletale.

Oh, yes. Don’t forget to provoke. How else are you going to have an opportunity to tell your target that she is being sinfully angry, unless you keep after her until she becomes angry? Be relentless about it. Whatever you know annoys her the most, be sure and do that. She totally despises being tickled? Well then, for goodness sake, what are you waiting for? Get busy tickling her! When she asks you politely to stop, ignore her and keep doing it. You didn’t hear a word; the fact that you’re laughing doesn’t prove you did. Keep this up until she loses her temper. That’s when you get to tell her she has anger issues. After all, you were only trying to have a little fun. You can’t help it if she has no sense of humor.

Do not, under any circumstances, ever let her get away with doing the same thing. You may say whatever comes to your mind. It isn’t your fault she is hypersensitive. Go ahead and tease her all you want to about being fat, and dismiss her hurt feelings by asking, “What’s the matter? Can’t you take a joke?” But if ever she makes the slightest jab at your own beer belly, that’s getting personal. Tell her in detail what a cruel, vicious insult it was, and how much damage such carelessness can do to someone’s self-esteem. For bonus points, you may wish to throw in, “That’s why nobody likes you.” Do not accept as an explanation, “It was only a joke.” You, and you alone, have permission to use that defense.

Only perfect people have any room to criticize. You know your target isn’t perfect. You’d better make sure she knows it too. If your target ever approaches you about something hurtful you did, immediately go on the offensive. Answer with every single mistake she has ever made. Steer all conversations around to what is imperfect about her. If you are skillful enough, within fifteen minutes, she will be in tears and apologizing to you. Eventually she will stop daring to confront you, and you can do as you please.

You must make sure your target never forgets how undesirable she is. Remind her constantly that she is fat, ugly, stupid, and inept at life. Find at least three things wrong with every meal she cooks. No matter how hard she has worked at cleaning the house, there will always be something left undone. Zoom in on that, even if it seems like you’re being petty. After all, polishing the door knobs is important too. Germy door knobs can spread illness.

For targets who are still in school, making a big deal over getting a B instead of an A is a handy tactic. You can even find fault with an A minus, for not being a full A. Did your target make straight A’s? That’s OK. You can still turn it against her. Advise her that “book smarts” don’t matter in real life, and that she doesn’t have the kind of smarts that really count. Then, the next time she makes the smallest mistake, or can’t understand something right away, tell her she must not be so smart after all.

Once she becomes a mother, undermine her parenting in front of her children. This can be done even if you are not their other parent. Tell them they shouldn’t be required to do whatever she just told them to do. She is too strict. Then blatantly go against her. For example, if she has forbidden them to see a particular movie, offer to babysit for free at a time when she really needs it, and then oops, just accidentally make sure you put exactly that movie into your player. What will it hurt? Conversely, if she gives them permission to do something you don’t approve of, she is too lenient. Speak up about how they shouldn’t be allowed to do that. By all means, take them out to have their hair cut, even though when you asked, she said no. Yes, of course she told you she’s letting them grow it out long on purpose, but that’s probably just an excuse. She probably can’t afford to pay a hairdresser and is embarrassed about it. What matters is, their hair looks terrible at that awkward in-between stage. Just ignore the fact that their mother said no, and do what you think is best. When her children eventually stop listening to her, you can always point to the fact that she can’t control them to demonstrate how incompetent she is.

She should be grateful to have you. No one else would put up with her. Tell her so whenever you can. Do not let her believe anyone else would treat her better than you do. Tell her she deserves what she gets. If other people seem happier with their lives than she is with hers, they’re just putting on a face for other people. This is the real world. That is a fantasy. Compare yourself often to the most extreme abusers, reminding your target that she’s lucky you don’t do those things. In fact, you’re an angel by comparison. As long as she believes this, she will never leave you.