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I think it is healthy to be scared of medications, but that doesn't mean you should reject them out of hand. Talk to you Pdoc and explain how you feel about them, there are other mood stabilizes. Your doc can discuss these with you. If a med is needed it's better to talk about the choices available so you can feel more positive about the experience.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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