Thanks guys. I have tried counseling but it has been unsuccessful. The area I live in does not have a high retention rate for mental health workers and the ones I have worked with were not a good fit.

Honestly, other people find the ectopic pregnancy more traumatic than I do. I may just not be at a point where I can process it yet. It had to be removed so I could live, so I could be a mother. My surgeon said they might have to preform a complete hysterectomy (they didn't) and frankly I would have been ok with that if it meant I would be able to go home.

The thing, I am having a hard time getting past is that I nearly abandoned my child. I am the only mother she has. And as imperfect and broken as I am I am bound to her. That is the only role I have in this world for which there is no replacement. And the thought that I might have left her and left a void in her life haunts me.