Today was nowhere near as hellish as the days before it, but still wasn't smooth. I got really angry at my boss today, and the anger lasted for several hours. It was an overreaction; I'll admit it.

He always praises me and tells me I'm doing such a good job when I know I'm not. Today, when I said I was considering staying in this area after the summer, he said "well, you'll have to find another job because I can't afford to pay you." I know that he could afford to pay me; he is just saying that because he is disappointed with my performance and doesn't have the balls to say it to my face.

I really wish he could just be honest with his dissatisfaction with me, so that we could work together to fix it. At the same time, he is in no position to judge me. Yes, I'm late to work everyday, but so is he! And he is usually later than me. He also leaves early most of the time. He gives me very little guidance with new tasks. We still haven't started the project we've been planning for the last two years that I was so excited about...

I really value my boss's friendship, but I'm so mad at him right now that I just don't care.

I went to church tonight for a dinner and snapped at the pastor because I was so angry !

Thankfully, I've calmed down. I really hope I get more stable soon, but this is still a lot better than most of last week.