Unfortunately this all sounds so sad....
what do you want from all of this?
Are you being defiant because of your anger at the system?
ARe you mad at having to take medication?
Are you letting the desease control you?
You have to learn how to control it.
This gradiosity sounds manicy still...I hope you stay on your respirdal...you could be headed for a big crash.
Sorry I can't help....you sound like you have all the answers already.
bizi
I do wish you well....