So I know for me, setraline tends to dull my emotions to the point where even if I'm feeling amazingly sad I can't cry. Which is terrible and makes my heart hurt in ways that we don't have enough words for.

I finally weened myself off of it and now a few weeks later I'm finally getting my full range of emotions back and to be honest I'm amazed. Because, for me school is the major source of my emotional struggle (along with plenty of other things), a parental unit of mine has been harassing me day in and day out about grades, getting work done, talking to my advisers, emailing for help, contacting tutors, getting tuition resolved, everything and it becomes overwhelming enough already just in my head and I don't need another voice saying it even louder and I just got SO ANGRY. I'm still angry.

Like, I know my best isn't a lot right now but I'm sure as hell trying my best and now that I can finally monitor myself a little bit I need to practice it otherwise I'll never get back up on my feet and it's just stupid because depression is something you constantly have to readjust ever day every hour how much you should push yourself or give yourself some slack. And so I really just let loose and yelled him a new one. Swore for the first time ever against my parental unit (which is something I would never dare to do EVER) and just tried to really just hammer the point home but he still didn't get it in the end and now I just don't want to talk to anyone from home at all. I am supposed to go home this weekend for Easter but I cancelled because my insides feel really gross just at the thought of seeing them. They want to help yeah but the support I need is pretty much the exact opposite I'm getting and apparently no matter how many times I emphasize what they're doing wrong they just don't get it at all.

So now instead of feeling like a hollow shell I'm an overemotional mess and I don't know if this is any better because I STILL can't do my work. Ridiculous.

It feels like my emotions are like some sort of ranging storm because I had a good 2 weeks and now I'm back in angst land this is just sooooo stupid. I have no words for how frustrating people are to me sometimes. And I know they mean well but that really doesn't help the affect they have on me now does it.