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Apr 16, 2014, 03:12 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 43,373
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Long story short due to finances I am off all my psych meds until about June. I was hoping to be back on them this month but now it's looking like it will be June.
I am ready to snap my hubby like a twig if he tells me one more time I'm acting bipolar. Rationally I know it is his way of deflecting his bad behavior and pushing crap back onto me. Rationally I know that despite not being medicated I have been maintaining fairly well but have had a few missteps. I am a very self aware person. Even when I'm in a rage there's this detached part that is telling me calm down you're overreacting.
Today's fit is brought to us by peanut butter and lies. I went to the store with hubby two weeks ago and bought him this huge 128 oz container of peanut butter. He saw me eyeballing this all natural sweetened with raw honey PB that I like. He said get that for you. You always do without. Treat yourself and get it. I said nah you'll just end up eating it anyway there's no point in me getting it. He said I won't eat it. It'll be all yours. Heck I have a gallon of PB right here that little jar will be just for you. Do something for you BUY IT NOW!! So I bought it. Fast forward 2 weeks. I finally got a hankering for some PB and went to fix a sandwich. Nope. There was just enough left in the jar to make a VERY thin layer on a piece of bread. That was it. So I started crying. He basically lied right to my face at the store. My feelings were majorly hurt.
Hubby comes in asks what's wrong and I tell him you ate MY peanut butter. He says yeah I ate all mine and since you hadn't touched yours I figured you didn't want it. Then he said God why are you going to cry and act all bipolar, unreasonable and greedy? You're just trying to make me feel bad for being hungry and eating something. How bipolar and crazy can you get? Crying over some freaking PB?
At this point I was no longer crying. Something about being told I was acting bipolar and GREEDY by someone that had ate a gallon of PB in 2 weeks, lied to me and then taken something they said they wouldn't touch stuck in my craw. I went from hurt feelings to livid in about 2.5 seconds. Maybe that part is my bipolar or maybe it was simple indignation. Don't know and don't care.
All I know is this is the straw that broke the camel's back. He just thinks I'm "acting" bipolar he's about to see bipolar and crazy up close, live and personal. I am livid simply livid. That was this afternoon and I'm nowhere near calmed down. I do my utmost to keep myself in check. I double and triple check my feelings to see if I'm overreacting or if my reaction is reasonable. I filter myself to the point of having nothing left. No more I'm done trying. I'm done filtering. I'm done keeping myself in check. He wants crazy he's got it by the tail now. 
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