Your discouragement has gotten really serious. When I was a student, I used to feel down shortly after the end of each semester. It was a lot of stress to get through the term and prepare for tests and turn in papers. Then when I finally had a term of that behind me, I'ld feel down. I figured out that I was kind of lost when the term ended. It had structured my life. I don't think my problem was as severe as yours, but I think I had a taste of it.

You've found something that you've known some success in, so I would not discourage you from continuing with the academic work. You seemed at the start of the thread to be comparing the value of seeking friendships verses keeping to yourself. I recommended the former. Now, it seems that the former is not really an option for you as you see it. So I guess I don't see what it is you are trying to decide about. You sound like you think the decision has already been made for you. Being away from school may be why you have been feeling so down. (You say you're on a break.) So I guess I'm not sure what it is you are trying to figure out.

Maybe you are trying to figure out . . . well I don't really know what that is. I'm sure you would like your life to feel better. You sound a lot of pain.