I think it would help if you separated this into two issues:

1. His grief over losing his mother seems excessive to you.
2. He doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated as his wife.

I can see why you would almost feel jealous that he seems to treat his dead mother more reverentially than you, but the way he handles his grief is separate from the way he treats you. Tell him that you wish he would do X or Y to show you that he cares about you, but just don't bring his mother into that conversation.

As soon as you compare yourself to his dead mother, he is just going to turn off and not listen to anything else.