My anxiety's been really high for 7 hours straight now, now it's switching to emptiness and dissociation - which feels a bit better as it's easier to control (though it's scary and well... lonely).
As usual, my overwhelming fear of abandonment, craving for love, guilt and self-hatred had the upper hand.
Idk if some of you've read this in my previous posts but when I'm in this state I tend to threaten the ones I love with commiting suicide or doing heavy drugs if they leave me. All because I want them to feel with me and beg me not to leave because they love me. I need validation. Someone who lets me know they need me. I felt a huge urge to do this today aswell. But I didn't. And I didn't even selfharm or anything to compensate. I had a panic attack, lots of anxiety and at one point I could hardly resist the impulses of hanging myself... but I DIDN'T do anything. For some reason I feel sorta guilty about handling this so well, but I'm also pretty proud of myself.
I just had to tell someone.
Hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep now. Family therapy tomorrow... I tend to start fights and drama during those so wish me good luck haha!

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