I'm in my later 40's. I've had it. I can't imagine living the rest of my life feeling like this anymore. I can honestly say I've never felt content, or a day without anxiety for as long as I can remember. Okay, maybe there is a few good times in there, but a whole day? Maybe.
I know I'm not helping anyone here. By typing this, I just feed into more negativity. I can't hlep it right now. I'm soooo tired. I don't know how to go on. I have no choice, my son can't be without me, he will end up with his sick creep of a dad.
Why do I only get fleeting moments of seemingly being able to cope? I wish a doctor had never prescribed me anti anxiety meds. More than 20 years of using them, and all they are good for is to keep me slightly okay for a few hours after I take them. I'm trying to stop, for years already. I was up to 10 mg for a month or so, so now I'm back to 5 (diazepam) at night. It does nothing to help. I feel horrible all day long, and last night I swear, my thoughts don't get a rest. This is crazy, I have a song in my head repeating when i so called " go to sleep" which I say because, the damn song is still in my head 6 hours later when i "wake up'......I'm so sick of this so called life. I hate looking around me around the building here, or anywhere out with people, who look normal and like they are just okay. I'd love to be just okay. Just stop putting me in this hell. Pain. Painful emotions, painful body. I had to vent. I'm sorry I'm no help here. I need some sort of help, but after all these years I feel like there is nothing that will change.
I'm just too stupid and sensitive for this