The disconnect for me comes from the fact that he came into my life after the initial breakdown from 18-19. We actually met when one of my friends brought him to visit me in the psych ward where I had been for six weeks and was receiving ECT. Weird I know. So he knew my situation but never saw me at my worst because by the time I left the hospital I was no longer depressed. If I look back I may admit I might have been hypomanic but he met me like that so he assumed that was my default personality.

Things didn't get severe until our son was born. And I rallied from that. Even then I didn't self injure or admit to suicidal thoughts. This past year is when everything really took a turn for the worse. It's the first he's ever seen me in such a mess.

So yeah of course he loved me the question is does he still and can he love the true me, the me I've become. The unadulterated me.

If I was able to control myself I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to me with no meds. But he doesn't tolerate depression, even if I'm not suicidal and not hurting myself. He just doesn't get it and doesn't care to. Which is why I think he's tryig to control me to be what he wants me to be.

No i don't feel I can talk to him about any of this.

Thanks for your reply