I haven't actually been invited to the homes of professors and there aren't anything specifically included for the social interaction among faculty and grad students (unless it only includes those with teaching assistantships which I have yet to get). I mean, it's hinted at, but we're sort of left up to our own luck with connecting with professors beyond the classroom. I think I would have trouble relating to professors as colleagues instead of professors. I'm not on their level. I'm not in the right place in my life and I don't know when I will be.


Technically, all of those activities could be done alone and they don't necessarily promote bonding (maybe hanging out at a local park would because there wouldn't be much else to do but talk). I've met plenty of people with tons of things in common with me, but there's no bond or connection. Nor are my needs met and I doubt theirs are either.

The reasons that I want to get closer to someone (or have in the past) could include one or more of the following (in no particular order):
1. They have access to pot.
2. They're someone I can drink with.
3. They treat me like a person (as opposed to an object, or that I'm invisible etc.)
4. They don't hate me/are afraid of me/etc. after getting to know me. Basically, they're non-judgmental.
5. I feel safe around them and don't think they're going to hurt me (physically or otherwise).
6. They are affectionate towards me in a way I can actually feel.
7. I'm attracted to them and wished I had a chance to date them.
8. They don't make fun of me.


I am myself (and relatively comfortable), but that's the problem. I'm open and honest to a fault. I don't feel I'm uptight on dates and I dress how I want to dress, even if the way I dress would probably make the person less attracted to me.

I wish dating could be fun…it was until I realized that even a good date with someone I'm compatible with won't lead to a second date and I'll never make it to the second date. It's next to impossible to even get a first date…I don't want to go alone to a bar, I've had a lot of bad experiences with online dating and have never gotten a first date (that I wasn't stood up on) on there anyway, my "friends" wouldn't help me…they would be attracted to me, but not want to date or anything. I guess they just wanted to lead me on...


The degrees worth getting at all? And what if there really aren't any people available that can connect with on more than a superficial or professional level? I am an outcast among outcasts after all.