The big things, alcoholism, drug use, affairs, stealing money/writing checks for large amounts with out first taking about are all no brainers.

It is those small every day things that becoming annoying big things that you have to worry about.

When H comes home at the end of the month, there are things that we need to talk about. He is supposed to have a list of 3 of the top issues and deal breakers for him, and I am supposed to have the top 3 deal breakers for me. Hoping for a compromise or a cease fire. If there are things that we cannot bend on, deal breakers, then at least we know now that we should call it quits and that this is not going to get any better.