There are no easy answers but you have my sympathy. Try to be sure your reaching out and not spending to much time grieving. There will be of course a great deal of time you will need to heal from this. My father passed away in 2007 and often I think to myself "Oh I really wish I could tell dad such and such." It are those moments that you have to remind yourself of the best times and the conversations and in way they are right there with you!