I'm back into a place where the only way to "cope" is to hurt myself physically. So far I only have scratches on my forehead and arms........ I look an absolute mess. As I have allergies my husband accepts it as part of that and knows that I scratch more when I am more stressed and depressed. I hate myself so much

I try to talk to my husband but he's too busy and I stress him out....... I can't do that it would "prove" how bad I am if I upset him.........

I'm sorry I'm not able to support people on the boards and probably won't be able to for some time.... I'm feeling as if my "hugs" etc aren't much or any use to people anyway.... and that isn't me fishing for compliments.........(if anyone misses me, probably not anyway.... and having posted that I know its depression, self pity or something similar talking, some people do like me, including my husband and he knows me better than anyone does including any T I have ever seen, although they saw parts/aspects of me that my husband hasn't fully seen or "understood".......oh well)....... I am barely surviving myself

I'm scared to post this but I'm posting it anyway.....I feel as if I'll explode/fall apart/shatter into tiny pieces with all the pain inside

To be honest, I wish I could die in my sleep tonight