Quote:
Originally Posted by dir96
I sometimes think to myself I must have no problems as my behaviour concerns me so much, am I right in thinking this?
I want help but I can't bring myself to go to my doctor I'm so embarrassed and constantly feel ashamed of myself.
For the past year or so I've distanced myself from everyone and started to sleep excessively. When I know I have spare time this time is for sleep, nothing else. I don't see any of my friends anymore and have stopped speaking to most of my family which I know they all resent me for. When I do bring myself to see friends and go out I find myself binge drinking which then causes me to feel guilt and shame the day after where I will break down and feel disgusted with myself.
I have thoughts which I cant explain as they are so horrible and sick and sometimes I will even scare myself. I know something isn't right and I just want to know if anyone feels the same???? can ANYBODY relate??
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if i didn't know better, i would think i wrote this
i am so isolated. don't talk to anyone hardly ever, have no desire to. been diagnosed bipolar, but not on any meds. can't afford it. finding a doctor, waiting for an appointment, then hoping i still feel like going when the appointment day comes is just way too much work
i am plagued by feeling ashamed and or guilty by my own behavior. i know it's magnified in my own head. but i feel like i'm wearing a neon sign that says "warning: unstable lunatic approaching"
and if anyone knew some of my darkest thoughts, i'd be committed
thanks for posting this. maybe it will help to know i'm not alone