ugh. I'm just flailing around emotionally again. I hate when I do this. Things are just so freaking complicated in my head. I hate talking to you about this subject and I KNOW you don't like it either. I was pretty surprised when you told me you didn't want to "dwell" on this subject, because I didn't think that's what I was doing. It's not like I'm doing it for fun or anything. It sure as hell is not fun for me.