I am infuriated that after being here faithfully for at least three years, this is what I get when life pulls me away. I feel like I am dying. I can't walk well, can't retrieve words, can't organize. I am in so much pain I really don't know what to do. My friend, my friend whose family has also been my family, has been through a lot. 17 year old shot himself in head and without all of the drama, died about a month later. now another family member trying to die, he is ill.