I agree with Rapunzel that you are onto something big here. You've hit a core issue and you are one insightful person! Whoa!
I can definitely relate to the 'aloneness' and despair that accompanies the aloneness of a child.
The first step in processing past trauma is awareness. You are aware, very much aware, and you will grieve at your pace,
In the meantime,
Take gentle care,