I agree with all of the above-- you are relating your past experiences to your relationship with T, and that's a powerful and important step. I often think about ending my relationship with T on my own terms-- it is how I ended male relationships in my past-- so I would never have to feel. How ironic that we missed out on love when we were young, but we end up pushing it away when we become adults... It's so hard to find the balance. Which is more painful? I often don't know. I find that the few close relationships I have cultivated cause fear and anxiety for me because I'm so scared they will go away... Yet the opposite of that would be to be alone. Which is worse? You sound like you are getting so much out of therapy, Mouse. Take care.