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sunrise said:
The other thing to mention is that I had a pinksoil moment in therapy today. I tried to tell T that I would like to see him twice a week instead of only once. I started by saying I have so much to say to you. He responded by saying well, tell me, and then waited expectantly. I said I just have so much stuff to get through and it's hard to fit it all in. He said, I'm all ears. Grrrrrr. That was as direct as I could be. Don't these T's know how to take hints? pinksoil, I was thinking of you when this happened, remembering how you held up your journal and hid behind it. I'm afraid I was even less direct than you.

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I'm not laughing at you, Sunrise, I'm just laughing at the whole situation!! I can totally picture it, you trying to make the point, and T missing it, thinking that you just need to tell him a lot of stuff, saying, "I'm all ears." Hahaha. I love it. It's completely something that would happen in my session, only I would normally be obstructing his view of me with some sort of prop, lol.

Seriously though, that's awesome that your T gave you that physical contact. I would have passed out, lol. You sound like you really have a wonderful, close relationship with your T. Do you think you are going to try again to ask if he will see you more than once per week? Or maybe you could try asking if you could see him twice every other week... so one week you'd see him once, then the next twice, then back to once, and so on... Do you feel like you've cracked the surface at all, and maybe you will be more direct next time? I know I won't, lol. Well I'm really planning to tell him everything this Friday, but we'll see if that really happens.

I know that physical contact is definitely something that would never occur with my T. The closest I ever come to touching him is when he hands me a pen, lol. As warm and comforting as he is, he does follow the traditional psychoanalytic model of no self-disclosure, and no touching. The only thing he ever self-disclosed to me was that he doesn't like American Idol, haha. (Long story). He said, "Well, I don't think it would be too much self-disclosure if I told you..." And although he never self-disclosed this to me, there are little hints that he gives out that let me know that there are things we have in common in regards to appreciations, such as literature. This is very important to me because I write a lot of poetry and read a lot, and often bring that that stuff up in therapy. In little ways, he has let me know that he has read certain books I've mentioned, is familiar with certain writers that I love, etc. I love when he does this. It's so important to me because it encompasses so much of who I am, and I love that he appreciates similar things. One time he quoted something Virginia Woolf had said about writing. It meant a lot to me because he said he had read the quote and thought of me, but the context of our conversation was actually pretty funny. I'll tell you what it was, and then I'll shut up because I have to end my lunch and go back to work.
(This was said a couple of weeks ago when I was in a pretty bad depressive episode, and T was encouraging me to use my writing even more, to let things out):
T: You know, I read a quote from Virginia Woolf and I thought it would pertain to you. (Then he seemed a little hesitant).
Me: Well, what was it? Tell me.
T: She said, "Writing eases the pain..."
Me: Um, but didn't she kill herself?
T: Yeah. That's why I wasn't sure if I should tell you.

I love my T.